Well last night I caught the end of a message by one of my favorite preachers. She was breaking the word down into nugget sized pieces. I always walk away from her sermons in deep thought. During last night’s quiet time I heard God for the first time in a long time, and He was as clear as can be. He stated very clearly “you are selfish”. WHAT!?! Me, selfish!?! I immediately went into explanation mode. Isn’t it funny how we try to convince God that He’s wrong, like He has no background on us? We treat Him like He’s a random man from the street, when He’s our creator…but that’s a whole other note J ! So I’m in the middle of explaining to God how I’ve changed and I’m nowhere near as selfish as I used to be. And then the final words hit me…not as selfish as I used to be. These words sent me to the concordance in the back of my bible. Yep I had to take a look at the word selfish to put it in context.
Two scriptures stuck out to me. Both Matthew 16:24 and Luke 9:23 have the same wording, but to two different groups of people.
Matthew 16:24 (NLT) states “24 Then Jesus said to his disciples, “If any of you wants to be my follower, you must turn from your selfish ways, take up your cross, and follow me.”
Luke 9:23 (NLT) states “23 Then he said to the crowd, “If any of you wants to be my follower, you must turn from your selfish ways, take up your cross daily, and follow me.”
The message was the same for those in His inner circle and those in the crowd. If you are coming with me you have to put down the selfishness and pick up your cross! And most times you have to do so daily. You can’t hold on to both of them, so pick one! Whoa…
During the course of my quiet time I realized that I had been selfish! I was told to do something and I basically told God no because I was so concerned about how it would make me look to others. I was disobedient and selfish. I refused to put down my selfishness and pick up my cross, which in essence could have helped someone else.
The timing of this conversation was very interesting. I’ve been on the lookout for the things in my life that are blocking me from following the path God has set for my life. Who knew that I was the biggest distraction and hindrance on my path! Now to be completely honest I’m totally upset with myself, but on the other hand I’m thankful to God that He loves me enough to correct me when I’m wrong. And in the spirit of correction He showed me one last scripture (just in case I was still in the mode of justification)!
James 3:16 (NLT) states “16 For wherever there is jealousy and selfish ambition, there you will find disorder and evil of every kind.”So that’s it. The disorder in my house and life is a fruit of the selfishness that had silently set itself up in my life. My refusal to do/share things that I know I’ve been instructed to do/share has caused a ripple effect in my life. So tonight I’m pulling this thing up by the root and acknowledging my part in blocking my path and the blessings that lie on the path. I’m making the conscious decision to put down my selfishness and pick up my cross. I thank God for His love for me and His willingness to check me on things that I hide so well from others. How many times have you hidden things thinking “No one will ever notice the difference”? Well I’m here to tell you God notices and He’s waiting on you to decide what you’d like to carry. You can’t carry both your mess and His cross, so the question He leaves with you is what will you carry? What are you holding on to that you need to let go of so that you can pick up your cross and walk out all that God has for you?
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